Question: What do you desire in secret, but are too fearful to attain?
Answer: I think the state you ask about is the “be careful what you ask for” situation. This is when we know that a certain thing, a certain ability, change would be good, but still we are afraid to ask for it, as what we ask for a very different, unknown, alien to us.
Since I have been started to study a special, practical, educational method that promises it can help us reaching our Human purpose in life, raising us to a qualitatively higher level of existence, I have been “secretively hoping” that I can achieve what this method offers.
But since reaching that qualitatively higher state, reaching Human purpose requires us to change our original, selfish, egoistic and subjective “operating software” to a selfless, altruistic, objective, unconditionally serving one – as only that way can we reach similarity with Nature’s single governing force – I am instinctively fearful of receiving that “upgrade”.
After all raising above the instinctively self-serving, self-justifying calculations in order to unconditionally support, care for others is very frightening to our inherently self-protective, self-serving, egoistic nature.
Thus this unique, unprecedented self-change, upgrade can only happen in a special, positive, mutually responsible and mutually complementing environment, by keeping an unusually strong mutual commitment, “covenant” called “Mutual Guarantee”.
It is specifically this “Mutual Guarantee” that provides us with similarity with Nature’s system. And it is specifically through this similarity that we can integrate with the system, learn its laws, evolutionary plan and fulfill our unique Human purpose in it.