Judging Through Love

Question: What is something about your partner that you cannot stand?

Answer: After 28 years of marriage I think I am “wise” enough not to answer the question directly.

Instead I will regretfully “chicken out” from a direct answer, and give a “roundabout”, general answer instead, which answer might be helpful to others as well.

What I have been learning through the unique, scientific method of Kabbalah – which is the science of Human nature – that we exist in an impeccable, perfect reality, but through our own self-centered, self-justifying and subjective nature, perception we see this world in a broken, distorted way.

And it is the same with all the people around us, including our “loved ones” ( and here further questions open up about “love” in our original, instinctive state…).

Kabbalists express it beautifully: “He who faults another does so through his own flaws.”

In short if there is anything that I cannot stand in my partner, it is not a flaw in my partner, but it is a flaw in how I see my partner. Thus it is not the partner that needs improvement, correction, but it is me, the way I perceive the world, my partner that needs changing.

And this change is only possible when I develop, build “true love” instead of the instinctive “fish love” (where I love only what tastes good for me, what gives me pleasure). When I become capable of truly loving another, I will see only the good qualities (like a doting mother in her child) in the other and I won’t notice anything negative.


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